Thankful and grateful for so many blessings and wonderful people in my life!

Training Opportunity in Fresno

Dec 2008 Training

The WhyTry Program is a strength-based approach to helping youth overcome their challenges. It is now changing lives in over 5,000 schools, youth centers, and social service agencies. The Program improves outcomes in the areas of truancy, conduct disorders, and academic failure — while giving youth their own answer to the question “Why Try?”

If you work with at-risk populations, or know someone who does, then please spread the word. WHY TRY will not only change the way we do our jobs, but it will also change the way we think about our jobs. I’m looking forward to the first ever 2-day in-depth WHY TRY certification training in Fresno on December 1 & 2.

If you mention The Carissa Project when you sign up you’ll get a discount!

If you would like to set up your own group training please contact Lee McNeil at the number below to schedule a time to talk about your specific goals, or email lee@whytry.org and let him know what additional information he can provide to support you.

You can also get more information, including a preview of the visual analogies, at www.whytry.org.

* Spanish version of analogies is available!!!

For more information and to register:
Dec 2008 Registration

What will be covered in the training?

* Experiential Activities - See the experiential activities demonstrated and get first hand training and ideas on how you can increase participation and learning for everyone involved.

* Surrendering the “One-up” Relationship with Individuals and in Group or Classroom Settings - This is perhaps the most important addition to the program. Research shows that over 80% of change in an individual results from interpersonal relationships. We will show you some powerful techniques and tools to help you build trusting relationships and motivate those you work with.

* WhyTry Music Applications - Hear the WhyTry music, learn ways to teach using the music, and see demonstrations on how to process the music.

* Basic Training - We will also be covering all the basics on how to use the program including the workbook, the motivation formula, the visual analogies, group applications, individual interventions, classroom curriculum and more.

* Teaching A WhyTry Class - We have received some great feedback and ideas from several of you who have been using the program in a classroom environment. As a result we have compiled an outline for setting up and running a class using the WhyTry Program.

* Observe it in practice - If you have been to one of our presentations or training sessions before, you have probably heard us explain how to use the program. This time you will see it and experience it for your self. We will include several live demonstrations as well as opportunities for you to participate

* WhyTry Certification - Be one of the first to be trained and certified in the WhyTry program. Certified individuals will get access to new materials before they are released. They will also become part of our valued feedback team, become involved in pilot programs and will be invited to participate in our WhyTry.org Discussion Groups. (coming soon)

* Continuing Education Units – You can receive up to 10 continuing education units for this training.

Download Registration Form

October 24, 2008 — Link to a second Brookings Institution Study REALEASED TODAY…

The Enduring Challenge of Concentrated Poverty in America

The Brookings Institution
http://www.brookings.edu/reports/2008/1024_concentrated_poverty.aspx

MY THOUGHTS IN RESPONSE TO BOTH STUDIES ON CONCENTRATED POVERTY IN FRESNO…

According to the Brookings Institution, Fresno was indeed cut in half by a freeway — and so were its people! The California Highway 99 is the most traveled road in California, it has transformed the state in many positive ways. However, did anyone ever stop to think that the transformation wasn’t all good???

(Follow the link to the study. Fresno begins on page 25.)

The freeway cut through Fresno, and not long after that discriminatory lending cut what they would lend to people on the west side of the 99, ultimately slicing through their earning power. The result today is that the value of life on Fresno’s west side has become worth less than life on the other side of the 99.

I know this story all too well, as I was taken to the west side of 99 to be bought and sold at the age of 12. It was clear to me then, almost 20 years ago, that it wasn’t just one person that was responsible for me being able to be bought and sold on the streets.

There was a culture on the west side among the victims, the helpers (police, service providers), and the innocent (store owners, and community members), which allowed for it. This report highlights the environment where exploitations of all sorts flourish. We should all do what we can to stop it.

http://www.brookings.edu/reports/2008/1024_concentrated_poverty.aspx

September 29, 2008 — Moving back to the basics.

Here’s an experiment for people who can sometimes feel like a swinging mass on a wire has a lot in common with their emotional life.

Do you know how pendulums work? It seems simple enough when you look at a clock, but did you know that the pendulum swings faster (with greater frequency) when the wire it hangs from is shorter? Did you also know that the weight of the pendulum does not determine how fast it will swing?

EXPERIMENT
To see what happens to frequency when you change the length of the wire it hangs from visit:
http://www.school-for-champions.com/science/pendulum.htm

Instructions:
Step 1: SCROLL DOWN TO CHANGE LENGTH
Step 2: HIT START
Step 3: NOW CUT THE LENGTH TO .5 (HALF THE ORIGINAL LENGTH)
Step 4: HIT START AGAIN
See how fast it moves when you decrease your support network.

Step 5: INCREASE THE LENGTH TO 2 (TWICE THE ORIGINAL LENGTH)

Step 6: HIT START AGAIN
You can slow the emotional pendulum down by increasing your support network.

ANALYSIS

How you describe and relate the pendulum to your life is up to you.

If you did the experiment you understand why I say that my wire is what keeps me connected. It’s my friends, my family, and the activities that make me feel grounded. I know that the shorter my wire is the faster my emotional pendulum will swing.

HOW MY SCIENCE EVOLVED

In the past I’ve found comfort in knowing that the degree of pain that I experienced would provide an equal degree of happiness — I thought when the pendulum would swing toward the positive (happiness) it would hit a super high point to counteract the negative (pain). It’s true that the mass swings the same distance in the opposite direction — BUT the damn thing swings back too!

Just as life goes on after our defining moments, the pendulum keeps swinging. And even though “my science” meant I would have a great upside — the downside was that I risked going back to that deep painful place.

PAIN

I kinda figured out that feeling sad is inevitable, but I did not want to feel like I was going to swing back to where I started. So I did what every great scientist does — I changed the axioms — the self-evident truths, so that I had a better outcome.

Now I define pain as the mass, the weight of the pendulum, instead of the degree that the pendulum is pulled back. You see the mass of the pendulum does not determine frequency, but without some mass we can’t feel anything. Pain is necessary. It’s almost a requirement to life.

My new axiom: I exist therefore I must feel pain. But the degree of pain I experienced in the past does not have to be experienced again and again in order to live a fulfilling life.

SWINGING

The solution to an emotional life that is swinging with high frequency is to: (1) add reliable friends, (2a) connect with family or (2b) if your family is swinging out of control, build a support network that acts like a family, and (3) increase activities that make you feel grounded, like walking around a lake or visiting the ocean, or hiking, or laughing.

WHAT GROUNDS ME

Even though my science wasn’t perfect, I began lowering the frequency of my emotional pendulum a long time ago.

First with Barbara, who taught me what a home was, and became a strong mother figure in my life. Giving me the support I needed to get grounded. Next, I added friends. Long lasting ones. There were only one or two, but they changed my life. Today I know the value of friendship because of that friend that (for two decades) has never judged and always let me be me. Thanks Melisa!!!

The steps I take now are incremental to keep the pendulum steady. Over the last decade I’ve seen a lot change in my life that might have hit me like a tornado, but I was always able to get back to the basics. To laugh with my friends, to get support from my family (the one I was granted and the one I created)…the point is that I had steady people that I could connect to when life started feeling a little out of control.

I’ve also been able to build new friendships. My best friend in Los Angeles inspired me to write this blog in the first place! He might look like an unlikely match for me, an Italian producer with a great family and a wonderful happy childhood. Riccardo grew up in Milan, Italy and his life experience reminds me that life is a blessing. He has a great frequency and I enjoy being near him — he acts like a force to center my life and he also increases the length of my emotional wire.

THE LESSON

The lesson that I’ve been learning over my lifetime is that I don’t have to act or re-act based on my past experiences. I can slow down my emotional responses and even reset the degree of ups and downs that I feel. I’m sharing because I think some of us feel like the pendulum is out of our hands.

It is in fact in our hands — we live life by our own science — our own axioms, rules, and definitions.

We can all get back to the center, if we know what to add and what to take back AND all that means is GETTING BACK TO THE BASICS!

WHEN AXIOMS FAIL

Sometimes our science fails us, and things don’t make that much sense (like the video below). It’s usually our minds playing tricks on us, but it could be serious. I’ve seen too many kids reject therapy (and even evaluations) because there is still a social stigma among our street culture to not admit that we need some help — my only advice is that we all need a wire — and the tougher things get the more you need safe (grounded) people you can talk to.

It’s your ride! In this picture things are out of control. There are actually hidden magnets that make the pendulum swing out of control. When life feels like this first identify the energy forces (peers or even family) that are throwing you off…then decide if you should distance yourself from them by saying “goodbye” to bad friends, or when it’s family you might want to increase the length of your wire by getting better friends and building a stronger support network.

Kids aren’t the only ones that have a stigma about getting help. If a doctor recommends more to get your emotional pendulum in order then consider it. I could see that sometimes when we’re swinging out of control it could be necessary to take a pill. BUT remember the goal is to get back to a regular frequency, so let the meds help you get back to the basics.

Regular maintenance is necessary, so when life is just a little out of control try thinking about the pendulum. Think about who or what increases the length of your wire, and remember that no matter how heavy it all seems you’ll get through it — in my science the weight of what I went through in the past does not determine what I experience today!

Wednesday September 3, 2008 — I’m back to blogging b/c it works for me!

There is a divide between those with homes and those who are without a home. There is even a name for those without a home we call them our “homeless” – we introduce them as “homeless.” This does not seem strange to us, but if we began to call everyone by their housing status we would see the obvious error in our label. Imagine someone introducing me as Carissa Phelps, she is “3-bedroom 2-bath.” Does my house really have anything to do with me? This is Carissa Phelps, she is “with home.”

The labeling is an indication of what we understand implicitly. We know without thinking about it that being homeless is important enough to go to the core of a human being. That’s why we feel the need to announce that a person is “homeless.”

Take it a step further and think about what we expect of those we label “homeless.”

A. Nothing. Maybe it’s because we understand how crippling being without a home really is.
B. To leave those of us “with homes” alone and stay out of our way. We want to avoid seeing the effects of homelessness up close. And maybe that’s simply because we’re so afraid of the realities of homelessness.

My point is that the devastation of being “homeless” only begins with a label then it goes much deeper. The label dismantles the core that makes up a person. Being labeled as “homeless” can instantly erase (1) who a person is now, (2) who they were in the past, and (3) who they will be in the future.

I’m sorry that I’ve ever called someone “homeless” – I don’t want to say that anymore, but is it even avoidable?

I want to change the way I see people and say, this is “Al.” He recently lost his wife, who he loved deeply. Last I knew Al was living along the 99, he moved nightly. Sometimes if he was lucky he only had to move weekly. He had a poor paying job asking for donations at the freeway on-ramp in his neighborhood. Al is a person. He’s a person right now. Al has a past, a present, and a future, but when he is just another “homeless person” he does not.

I totally understand that most of us “with homes” cannot imagine being “without homes.” We have some trouble with empathy. That is completely understandable. But it is not acceptable.

I’m thinking about what it means to be homeless. I’m remembering what it was like when I was without a safe home and I was running away. People took advantage of me and I was in a lot of pain. I was also alone a lot. I’m thinking about being homeless again as an adult, in this poor economy. With current housing trends, it seems like it’s a possibility for even more of us to be without a home — or with a shared home — or back at a parent’s home.

What if you didn’t have friends? What if you didn’t have your parents? What if your elderly parents didn’t have you? Would you want to be called homeless? Or by our name? Would you want to hold onto your past, your present, and your future or let them all go for a label?

I think most of us would be devastated with losing our housing, but we’d be even more devastated if we lost our identity.

Think about what it means to be without a home, or without a safe home, or living on the streets — moving nightly or weekly — finding another friend’s couch, staying in a shelter, or a tool shed. All of that is somewhat doable in a mechanical sense, but then imagine losing your identity and trying to do it. I think what hurt me the most on the streets was becoming a label, and losing who I was (or who I was becoming) as a person.

How I know that labels hurt and they don’t tell the whole story…

My label when I was 12 began as “601.” (601 is the number of the truancy code that I broke when I ran away.) Quickly my label changed to “602.” (602 meant I had actually broken an adult law, and also meant I was on formal probation.) The 601 said nothing about what I was running away from. And the 602 label did not let anyone known that I had to shoplift to survive — for basic necessities because I was too young to work.

These two labels put me in a category of people that were socially foul. No one wanted to hear about my excuses or my reasons, and definitely not a word about my hopes or dreams — and that is how what it is like to be without a past, present, or future.

May 28, 2008 Wednesday — My mind is on evidence, but I won’t bore you

According to my bar study I’m officially in Week 1 of my 2 month long bar review course. I have been studying the last two weeks — in the pre bar review course. I learned a ton of rules, and some of it is sticking. That’s a good sign, considering after 30 things don’t stick that well OR maybe that’s just an excuse b/c by 30 there are so many other things to do.

Despite all the great fun things to do in life these days, I’ve been taking practice tests for the multiple choice section of the bar exam — called the MBE. In total the California Bar Exam is 3 days long. It will be July 29-30-31. While I have been studying, I have also been getting on with the big things in life. Cole and I have our official first place together, and that is awesome! We are enjoying making our home together. In addition, I have a nice place to walk our dogs around in the morning. It helps with the study routine to get out of the routine…routinely!

I haven’t had much energy or desire to blog lately. I guess I haven’t had anything to really say until today.

I was motivated to write today when I was reading “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert. http://www.randomhouse.com/kvpa/gilbert/

The book was a gift from a mentor, and I have to say that I’ve enjoyed every gift this mentor has given to me. I knew it would be a fun book (b/c he said he laughed at every page) and so I was drawn to it to escape from the relevance & character of evidence.

I’m only into chapter 2, so I can’t really spoil it for anyone. First let me say that you should read the book. Most of my friends (esp. JW) would completely enjoy this book as much as me.

Here’s less about the book and more what it got me thinking about:

#1: We are all extremely lucky that the author, and so many others like him, are NOT lawyers!

When I first decided to go to law school, I did not know a single lawyer, yet I thought it was the only noble and useful profession in the world. It was the only profession where I would be respected, and get things done. Well, by the time I got into law school I did meet a few attorneys. I expected them all to be happy for me — to cheer me on, and yet none of them did. The best and brightest said: GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN AND DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL WITH YOUR LIFE.

I couldn’t really understand, until now Gilbert explained how we (as humans) make the future out to be something it probably won’t be — e.g., my fantasies about what great things I could do as a lawyer!

But the real reason I started thinking about any of this is because I really am so grateful that Gilbert himself is not a lawyer. I am so grateful that so many other people in the world are doing useful things with their lives (a caveat: this includes some lawyers). I’m also selfishly so pleased that intelligence is not monopolized by evidence instructors that tell bad jokes (but I love you for trying!)

#2) It is possible to be “too smart for your own good” or at least your own happiness.

I take this from a reference to third-party research in Gilbert’s book. It basically says that people who truly understand their true odds in gambling, or in life, are really less happy. Apparently sometimes “fuzzy math” means happiness. Believing in something just might be enough to make you happy. AND unfortunately what smart people often do is look for ways to negate everything. We might be perfect mathematicians and scientists, but we probably haven’t put ourselves out there at all. We’re boring people. We always have the answers, and we just know they are right: 2 + 2 = 4.

AND YET even us smart people realize that our happiness seems to be dependent on (at least sometimes) believing the impossible — can 2 + 2 = 400?

That thought just makes me smile.

Especially because it makes me think of Cole & I. When we first started dating it was him and me. 1 + 1 = 2, but then all the sudden I realized it really was more like 1 + 1 = 3 because we had a whole family; then add our pets and 1 + 1 = 3 + 4 pets! AND THEN add all the added days that he and I are happier (and closer to our true selves) because we’re together and the equation suddenly changes to 2 + 2 = 400!

It’s actually better than I could have imagined!

Anyways, for all of you still doing the straight up math. The “right answers” like 2 + 2 = 4 are a fine start, BUT a word of caution: TAKE TIME TO ADD UP THE REST WHEN YOU GET TO IT! Or, you might just risk losing something because your mind won’t even acknowledge it is there.

What’s the point of these seemingly pointless ramblings?

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, EVEN THE ONES YOU HAVE NOT ACCOUNTED FOR YET — if for nothing else, then because they are coming, and if they’re not coming, it’s better for you if you believe they will!

May 28, 2008 Wednesday — My mind is on evidence, but I won’t bore you

According to my bar study I’m officially in Week 1 of my 2 month long bar review course. I have been studying the last two weeks — in the pre bar review course. I learned a ton of rules, and some of it is sticking. That’s a good sign, considering after 30 things don’t stick that well OR maybe that’s just an excuse b/c by 30 there are so many other things to do.

Despite all the great fun things to do in life these days, I’ve been taking practice tests for the multiple choice section of the bar exam — called the MBE. In total the California Bar Exam is 3 days long. It will be July 29-30-31. While I have been studying, I have also been getting on with the big things in life. Cole and I have our official first place together, and that is awesome! We are enjoying making our home together. In addition, I have a nice place to walk our dogs around in the morning. It helps with the study routine to get out of the routine…routinely!

I haven’t had much energy or desire to blog lately. I guess I haven’t had anything to really say until today.

I was motivated to write today when I was reading “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert. http://www.randomhouse.com/kvpa/gilbert/

The book was a gift from a mentor, and I have to say that I’ve enjoyed every gift this mentor has given to me. I knew it would be a fun book (b/c he said he laughed at every page) and so I was drawn to it to escape from the relevance & character of evidence.

I’m only into chapter 2, so I can’t really spoil it for anyone. First let me say that you should read the book. Most of my friends (esp. JW) would completely enjoy this book as much as me.

Here’s less about the book and more what it got me thinking about:

#1: We are all extremely lucky that the author, and so many others like him, are NOT lawyers!

When I first decided to go to law school, I did not know a single lawyer, yet I thought it was the only noble and useful profession in the world. It was the only profession where I would be respected, and get things done. Well, by the time I got into law school I did meet a few attorneys. I expected them all to be happy for me — to cheer me on, and yet none of them did. The best and brightest said: GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN AND DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL WITH YOUR LIFE.

I couldn’t really understand, until now Gilbert explained how we (as humans) make the future out to be something it probably won’t be — e.g., my fantasies about what great things I could do as a lawyer!

But the real reason I started thinking about any of this is because I really am so grateful that Gilbert himself is not a lawyer. I am so grateful that so many other people in the world are doing useful things with their lives (a caveat: this includes some lawyers). I’m also selfishly so pleased that intelligence is not monopolized by evidence instructors that tell bad jokes (but I love you for trying!)

#2) It is possible to be “too smart for your own good” or at least your own happiness.

I take this from a reference to third-party research in Gilbert’s book. It basically says that people who truly understand their true odds in gambling, or in life, are really less happy. Apparently sometimes “fuzzy math” means happiness. Believing in something just might be enough to make you happy. AND unfortunately what smart people often do is look for ways to negate everything. We might be perfect mathematicians and scientists, but we probably haven’t put ourselves out there at all. We’re boring people. We always have the answers, and we just know they are right: 2 + 2 = 4.

AND YET even us smart people realize that our happiness seems to be dependent on (at least sometimes) believing the impossible — can 2 + 2 = 400?

That thought just makes me smile.

Especially because it makes me think of Cole & I. When we first started dating it was him and me. 1 + 1 = 2, but then all the sudden I realized it really was more like 1 + 1 = 3 because we had a whole family; then add our pets and 1 + 1 = 3 + 4 pets! AND THEN add all the added days that he and I are happier (and closer to our true selves) because we’re together and the equation suddenly changes to 2 + 2 = 400!

It’s actually better than I could have imagined!

Anyways, for all of you still doing the straight up math. The “right answers” like 2 + 2 = 4 are a fine start, BUT a word of caution: TAKE TIME TO ADD UP THE REST WHEN YOU GET TO IT! Or, you might just risk losing something because your mind won’t even acknowledge it is there.

What’s the point of these seemingly pointless ramblings? COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, EVEN THE ONES YOU HAVE NOT ACCOUNTED FOR YET — if for nothing else, then because they are coming, and if they’re not coming, it’s better for you if you believe they will!

May 28, 2008 Wednesday — My mind is on evidence, but I won’t bore you

According to my bar study I’m officially in Week 1 of my 2 month long bar review course. I have been studying the last two weeks — in the pre bar review course. I learned a ton of rules, and some of it is sticking. That’s a good sign, considering after 30 things don’t stick that well OR maybe that’s just an excuse b/c by 30 there are so many other things to do.

Despite all the great fun things to do in life these days, I’ve been taking practice tests for the multiple choice section of the bar exam — called the MBE. In total the California Bar Exam is 3 days long. It will be July 29-30-31. While I have been studying, I have also been getting on with the big things in life. Cole and I have our official first place together, and that is awesome! We are enjoying making our home together. In addition, I have a nice place to walk our dogs around in the morning. It helps with the study routine to get out of the routine…routinely!

I haven’t had much energy or desire to blog lately. I guess I haven’t had anything to really say until today.

I was motivated to write today when I was reading “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert. http://www.randomhouse.com/kvpa/gilbert/

The book was a gift from a mentor, and I have to say that I’ve enjoyed every gift this mentor has given to me. I knew it would be a fun book (b/c he said he laughed at every page) and so I was drawn to it to escape from the relevance & character of evidence.

I’m only into chapter 2, so I can’t really spoil it for anyone. First let me say that you should read the book. Most of my friends (esp. JW) would completely enjoy this book as much as me.

Here’s less about the book and more what it got me thinking about:

#1: We are all extremely lucky that the author, and so many others like him, are NOT lawyers!

When I first decided to go to law school, I did not know a single lawyer, yet I thought it was the only noble and useful profession in the world. It was the only profession where I would be respected, and get things done. Well, by the time I got into law school I did meet a few attorneys. I expected them all to be happy for me — to cheer me on, and yet none of them did. The best and brightest said: GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN AND DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL WITH YOUR LIFE.

I couldn’t really understand, until now Gilbert explained how we (as humans) make the future out to be something it probably won’t be — e.g., my fantasies about what great things I could do as a lawyer!

But the real reason I started thinking about any of this is because I really am so grateful that Gilbert himself is not a lawyer. I am so grateful that so many other people in the world are doing useful things with their lives (a caveat: this includes some lawyers). I’m also selfishly so pleased that intelligence is not monopolized by evidence instructors that tell bad jokes (but I love you for trying!)

#2) It is possible to be “too smart for your own good” or at least your own happiness.

I take this from a reference to third-party research in Gilbert’s book. It basically says that people who truly understand their true odds in gambling, or in life, are really less happy. Apparently sometimes “fuzzy math” means happiness. Believing in something just might be enough to make you happy. AND unfortunately what smart people often do is look for ways to negate everything. We might be perfect mathematicians and scientists, but we probably haven’t put ourselves out there at all. We’re boring people. We always have the answers, and we just know they are right: 2 + 2 = 4.

AND YET even us smart people realize that our happiness seems to be dependent on (at least sometimes) believing the impossible — can 2 + 2 = 400?

That thought just makes me smile.

Especially because it makes me think of Cole & I. When we first started dating it was him and me. 1 + 1 = 2, but then all the sudden I realized it really was more like 1 + 1 = 3 because we had a whole family; then add our pets and 1 + 1 = 3 + 4 pets! AND THEN add all the added days that he and I are happier (and closer to our true selves) because we’re together and the equation suddenly changes to 2 + 2 = 400!

It’s actually better than I could have imagined!

Anyways, for all of you still doing the straight up math. The “right answers” like 2 + 2 = 4 are a fine start, BUT a word of caution: TAKE TIME TO ADD UP THE REST WHEN YOU GET TO IT! Or, you might just risk losing something because your mind won’t even acknowledge it is there.

What’s the point of these seemingly pointless ramblings? COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, EVEN THE ONES YOU HAVE NOT ACCOUNTED FOR YET — if for nothing else, then because they are coming, and if they’re not coming, it’s better for you if you believe they will!

Weekly Blogs aka Journals or rambles: April 17, 2008 — it’s actually late and it’s Thursday

I’m not sure but I imagine the rest of the world operates similar to me in that there are times when everything doesn’t work. For whatever reason your cell phone, your car, your passport, your blog, and sometimes even your body just seem to fail you. It all happened to me over the last 2 weeks. It’s no excuse for not showing up to blog, but I’m just keeping you in the loop.

Kinda like my life you have to know that everything turned out positive to keep reading this! And it was positive — the Bermuda International Film Festival was a smashing success on all levels. We almost didn’t make it for a few reasons. First the cell phone! Oh, the cell phone! Sprint does not get service out in the middle of no wher. AT&T does and unfortunately I don’t have AT&T. So when I jumped in my car just before leaving for Bermuda for one last meeting I couldn’t call anyone to say HELP! But that was fine because my car was screaching so loud that it called out for me.

It was something to do with my brake pads once again, and this is a newer car — nothing fancy but new. So my 2006 Honda Civic had to head into the shop and we needed to get to LA. Lucky for me I have amazing in-laws close by that came to the rescue along with AAA and a local towing service.

The car went in for care, and finally at the end of the day Cole and I made it to Los Angeles to catch our flights. In LA both our phones work, but I used his to call Riccardo b/c Ricky has AT&T and mobile-to-mobile…you get the picture. When we stopped by Ricky’s, Cole was starving and I had already said to my new husband that no matter what when you come into their home all Italians will offer you food…even if we’re running late. Ricky did make the offer, but he didn’t have the sauce going yet so we rushed to the airport still hungry.

We made it, parked in long term parking, and took the shuttle to Delta. We were way ahead of my normal schedule and ready for take off. We even had time for dinner and margaritas before our red-eye flight to Boston.

In Boston we transferred as normal. Ricky called a friend and we were off to Bermuda. That’s when the passports didn’t work. Turns out we also needed the name and address of the hotel we were staying at and I probably should have been the one to get that information. I thought it was in one of our emails, but then the cell phones weren’t picking up data signals, so all three of us were sent to immigration for “review.”

Lucky for us a driver was waiting outside and she tracked us down after being paged. We were at the Hampton Princess. A nice hotel without a beach, but the beach wouldn’t be that far.

The screening of the documentary on the first night was amazing. It was so new to have all new, unknown strangers viewing my life. Up until then it had always been friends, loved ones, supporters, and now it was strangers. I waited for their reaction. They gave their hearts over and offered me a very warm welcome. They were full of questions, good ones, some new, and some I have heard before. One that keeps coming up: “How is your relationship with your mother?”

I answer that one a little different almost every time, as my relationship with her continues to change. Even though we have not spoken in some time I suppose that at times being a step mom makes me feel closer to her, and at other times further. At times the love I get from my other moms makes me forget about her. At all times I do think about her. Most recently when I was thinking about my feelings for her I thought “I do love her and I think she deserves to have some redemption.” I hope some day she will be at one of the screenings of the documentary when someone asks that question, then she could maybe answer the question from her perspective. I think that would be fair.

Well…I’ve written so much and really nothing at all. I’ll stop for now and be back when I’m back. Probably soon because we haven’t gotten to how my body stopped working. Just so you know it’s almost back on track. I returned from Bermuda feeling fine, and was ready for a trip to Sacramento (have to tell you all about this in the next blog!).

I could have easily cancelled Sacramento, but the panel was about homeless and runaway youth and law enforcement. I needed to be there, and I had already invited someone from the Fresno PD to be there with me! I made it. I shared one of the most difficult memories in my memory bank. The one about Icey basically walking free after raping and exploiting me, and me going to jail instead of the hospital. That’s a painful memory, and with time it is healing. I think it impacted the audience to hear it directly from someone who had lived it and they felt the urgency when I said it’s the same policy today!

So, the little scratch in the back of my throat I had in Sacramento has now turned into a full fledged sinus infection and my body stopped working. I’ll be ready for t-ball and the Fresno Film Festival — which kicks off tomorrow since I have had a week’s dose of anitibiotics.

See you at the Fresno Film Festival. If you’re curious and going to be in Fresno the documentary is showing on Sunday April 20th at 2PM. You can buy tickets online: http://www.fresnofilmworks.org/f_fest08_shorts2.php

I’m also going to be at Fresno State on May 25th at the “Cultivating Community” conference. I’ll screen the documentary and talk about what it means to be back in Fresno. The entire day looks amazing. Here are the details: Cultivating Community

There has been a meeting of the minds in Fresno…kind of. The December 7, 2007 joint city/county task force voted unanimously to get back to the table early next year to plan for a plan to end homelessness in Fresno City and County.

This is a long process — 10 years. To end homelessness means to give homeless people, especially the chronically homeless — homes. Not soup, not blankets, not even tool sheds, but actual homes. The housing first model is the most celebrated and most cost-effective way to end homelessness.

Housing “first” begs the question: What is second?

Well, after housing, service providers visit the formerly homeless, at their new homes. The counseling and social support services happen inside the home, for as long as those services are needed. It’s surprisingly humane, and actually much cheaper than the less humane option of leaving our neighbors cold and on the streets.

Over 300 other U.S. cities/counties have adopted a housing first model. After December 7, 2007 we’re planning to plan for Fresno to be next. http://www.ich.gov/slocal/index.html