So maybe what I’m doing here in this journal is a little bit of venting. I think that’s okay. It reminds me of when I took part in an anonymous 12 step program as part of community service. I loved that place. I had the freedom to be as honest as I wanted about anything I wanted. It was a great place to grow.

There are many differences with the daily journal: (1) It’s public! (2) I’m not really among people who are going to be honest back. (3) It’s in my living room, or my office, and it’s on my own time.

Those three hazards of blogging are probably what has kept me back, and may be why I need to do more blogging. Now that I’m home. Now that I’m in Fresno and working on the project full time I should become more conservative, right? I should worry about what everyone thinks of me and keep more secrets…I don’t think so.

My intuition is moving me in a different way. More toward transparency so that we can all grow in this process. Someone said recently that they knew an entrepreneur that was afraid to admit what he didn’t know. My response is “What’s the worst that can happen?” It’s unlikely that someone will laugh and if they do it will probably be behind your back, so what do you care? “What’s the best that can happen?” You’ll learn, and not only that but you’ll become someone that is teachable. Someone that people want to work with and to teach, and before you know it you don’t have to admit what you don’t know as much because people are always filling you in.

So my intuition leads me to be more open, less afraid, yet more controlled in what types of information I will bring in. I want to show the world that yes in fact I am complete, but no indeed I do not have all the answers. I need assistance from experts along each step.

I have insecurities like everyone else does. I’ve already started to share those in these journals. It seems fair to the teens or adults that I’m reaching out to for me to share those insecurities. It’s probably wiser to appear wise to all, especially when seeking investors, but I don’t want to look like I know it all. That would be false.

So here’s Day 2. I’ll write and post over the next few weeks. I’ll reevaluate and might decide they need to be weekly or shorter. I might even come up with a little bit of a format. Like at the end of the ranting I can say three positive things:

#1 Today I’m visiting the community. I’m talking to people in the community that will act as tour guides for a neighborhood research project in the Addams* Community around Motel Drive. That’s cool! These community members really care. They care about me and they really care about their community.

#2 Elaine is in college!!! She started at the School of Community Economic Development this weekend. Orientation was yesterday. I’m so proud of her. She’s like a big sister to me, and I felt like a proud sister when she called me to tell me how fantastic the first day was. Elaine, we all love you so much and are so proud of you!!!

#3 I’m in love with my life all over again. And for the first time I realized that this in fact is mostly up to me.

(*Addams Community b/c Jane Addams elementary school is the promise of the neighborhood.)

This entry was posted on Friday, January 18th, 2008 at 9:33 am and is filed under Daily Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.